How does it feel to leave? And to leave behind.

I have been spending the few past weeks in my home country Finland. I came here to spend my summer holiday, because I wanted to see my family, my friends, come to the best summer festival Flow, and enjoy the beautiful Finnish summer! I have enjoyed every day of it, and now it’s time to return to my other home in Barcelona.

Flow Festival didn’t disappoint this year either.

I have been living in Barcelona since March 2016, when I decided to take a year off from work and go study Master’s to my favourite city! Developing myself, learning a new language, getting to know people from around the world and enjoying the local lifestyle that I so enjoy, have been great and I’ve been happy about my decision. I haven’t exactly been missing home too much, since the studies have been very intensive, and there’s a lot to do in a city like Barcelona.

However, coming back home to Finland, I was really taken aback by how many great things we have in this country, how wonderful people I have in my life here, and how I had forgotten these things. Living or travelling for a longer time abroad gives you contrast and opens your eyes to see what you didn’t see before. After having been living in the sweltering heat and sometimes chaotic big city, I enjoyed going for a run in the forest in the fresh air and enjoying the fresh food such as fish, potatoes and berries. The moments spent with my mom, dad, brother and friends, have been unreplaceable.

Finnish food is fresh and healthy. I enjoyed every piece of it!

So, how do I feel about leaving?  Well, I feel happy and sad.

In each country, there are it’s pros and cons. As much as I have enjoyed Finland, I also love the rhythm of Barcelona, the liveliness, the sun, the beaches, the passion for life and having fun, the beautiful streets and architecture, and I feel excited to get to go back home, in Barcelona.

But the leaving behind… That’s the hard part. The friends. And the family. How do you just go to live in another country and leave your loved ones? The people you enjoy spending time so much with, who truly understand you and speak your language, who are there for you no matter what. The leaving is easy, but it’s the leaving behind that’s tough. It creates so many mixed feelings. I’ve lived abroad before, but this part only feels like it gets worse with years. You get kind of tired of leaving behind. Why can’t I take these people with me to the place I like living in?  I guess you just can’t have it all.

I’m lucky to be able to decide which country to live in. For now, I still choose Barcelona. Why? It feels good, and it makes me happy. Luckily the people I need to leave behind here know me so well, that they know why I’m leaving and they understand. To have their support and encouragement to follow my dreams, and to find happiness, even though it means to say goodbye for a while, is the most important thing and that makes me feel sure about going back once again.

If you don’t try, you will never know. While you don’t know, you will always wonder.

So it’s time to leave. And to leave behind. Bye bye Finland, and hola Barcelona! 🙂



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