Who am I really trying please here, me or my Ego?

Our Ego strives to shine whereas our spirit might want different things. Today, especially in the Western Society, the main focus is on the external  factors that emphasize the individual: body image, possessions, social status and intellect. But are these really the things that make us happy? Many of us already do well in the sectors of family, home, work, and will say: “There’s really nothing wrong with my life”. Still, we somehow feel unhappy: “I feel like something’s missing”.

Projects and goals

Our days consist of different kinds of projects that fill our calendars to make us reach our goals.We might try to reach a better position at work and therefore we’re ready to spend long days at work: “I’m putting extra effort at work now to reach my goal, but it’s just temporary”. We might also try to lose weight or grow muscle  to change our body image to make it correspond more to the person we feel we’re inside, the person we see ourselves as happy, healthy and more perfect. We wait for the day of fulfillment and happiness from our progressing projects. However, when these personal projects of ours don’t realize as planned, we feel frustration. We might quit the project and we might start a negative self-talk, even blame on ourselves. We might even sabotage your goals ourself. Why? Because they’re not really our goals.


I mean that primarily we should set ourselves goals to feel a certain feeling, not to reach an external possession. At the point of setting the goal, we might get lost and start reaching things that will never bring us this feeling we need. So who am I really trying to please here?

Motivation conflict between Ego and true-self

The greatest stress we face comes from the motivation conflict between the goals coming from the external and the internal.

We all have an Ego which is a part of our personality with, ‘paradigms’, ideas about what a good life consists of planted in by our society, family, schooling, social status or culture. These paradigms are very deep inside us, strong, and as they affect to our decisions, we don’t always know the motives for our actions even ourselves. We often strive for goals that our Ego wants, even throughout our whole lives! Our Ego wants to get recognition and be better than others, it’s always competing, so it will tell you to start the race towards a better position, bigger salary, better body, more acknowledgement… The race will never end.

Our true-self is the part of our personality that doesn’t search for recognition, doesn’t compete or compare to others, and doesn’t need projects to reach an improved self. Our true-self is happy as it is, like a child when they’re playing, happy in the moment that it’s living in without a worry about tomorrow or comparison to what it was yesterday. Our true-self is in contact with our soul, our internal, and this part is often neglected in today’s society, because it can’t be proved externally to others. You can’t prove the richness of a soul by external possessions, and even more, you can’t buy it but actually fulfilling the needs of our soul is what gives us the sensation on happiness, tranquility and completeness.

In Bali awareness and being present is practised a lot and it’s a popular destination for anyone interested to make a spiritual journey. In the picture talen a few years back in Bali,  we’re on the rice fields hiking and having fun.

When you strip off al your external possessions, what’s left?

The search for happiness by acquiring more external possession keeps on going. That’s a fact. That’s the way our society is built on. The economic system and the culture are constructed in this way. It’s not like we can change it in one day, nor do we have to, but we need to be aware of this: Our Ego is not our true-self! Happiness will not arrive as a product of projects or acquired possessions. 



Yoga is a great way of practising presence and awareness through getting to know your body. One of the basic rules of yoga is to leave the ego outside the practise, not to compare to anyone or try to win anything, just concentrate on being. 

Accept the conflict and start a discussion with your true-self

To start a conversation with your true-self, to understand what your soul wants for, you need to stop running the race. You need to stop and breathe, be present. Listen to the feeling your soul needs, are you helping it to feel that feeling or are you running to a direction, which will in the end never give you the completeness?

When setting up your goals and starting projects, you can try if these questions would help you.

  1. What feeling do you want to reach?
  2. What are the roots for your motivation? ( Your Ego or true-self)
  3. Will reaching your goal lead you to the feeling you want to feel?

The physical and spiritual will both always be part of you. We can’t change this and we don’t need to. We only need to be AWARE of them inside us. Recognize the conflict, the roots of your motivation and help yourself to be more in touch with yourself and find happiness inside you.


I hope you have an inspirational week! 🙂

P.S. For inspiration I recommend these books, which are also a source of thoughts in my above text:

Inner Adventures- Colin P. Sisson 
The Book of Ego- The Freedom from Illusion
Osho is a filosofist of today. Find kindness towards yourself by understanding the motives of your Ego with the help of his book.



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